Ally639

Howdy! It's been a long time since I was last here. And coming back... Wow my art was bad but I had to start somewhere, right?
So, as soon as I logged in on my phone, I realized that I had watched WAY too many people. So I just spent the last hour of my life and 30% of my battery unwatching a lot of people.
If you get this in your notifs and want me to start watching you again, I will.
Looking back on "baby" me has been a journey. And while I will admit I laughed at myself-
I am also very proud of Ally. I am not Ally anymore, I haven't used that name for a very long time. I used that because I was an "ally" to those I cared about, and unintentionally the LGBTQ+ community. Well, considering realizations I made about myself last year, I'm not exactly an "ally" anymore, anyway. I'm a lesbian. Funny how things turn out, huh?

I wont lie. I cried from both hysterics and pure nostalgia and happy memories while going over this account. Seeing the birthday wishes you left despite my absence...
The happy wishes... The memories... Damn, now im crying again.
When I started this account, I think I was 13? 14? Who knows. Well, I probably could if I checked. Nah.
But regardless of that, I'm 17 years old now and still going strong.

Looking back... I still hold so much love for all of you. Going through the accounts of old friends has been a real ride. I know im saying that a lot, but I mean it. A mix of wincing, admiration for what I went through, and how much I've improved... Wow.
And to think, when I started, I thought I was straight and even had a boyfriend at one point... Thats wild. Absolutely wild. Almost unbelievable, really.

But... I missed all of you. I didnt know i did, but I did. After all this time, I just shrugged off my past, this account, as my "cringe" days or my "bad" days. But now, I think just the impressive improvement I made just on this account is wild. Not to mention the improvements I made while I was gone.

I've come so far. And I'm sure all of you have too, whether you know it or not. I sure didnt. But even now, I see major improvements but slight similarities in my old art with my "new" art. And wow. To think I started out with just a computer mouse. I just... Wow.

I might post a life update journal, I might not. But I wanted to say thank you. But for the past... Lets say 4 hours, I didnt know HOW! How could I possibly thank you all for helping me reach where I am now? For helping me create the foundation of my hobbies and myself now?
I still dont know if my answer will suffice. I'm going to try to hold onto enough motivation to rewrite, and maybe redraw some old works of mine.
But what I do know is that "Just Like Me" is the first thing up. My characters will remain, even if a bit op... And I will try to portray them how I can now. But cut me some slack if I do redraw some of them-
I havent drawn a pony in maybe 2 years.
But writing? I can definitely do that. So hey, if any of you are still out there, lets have a chat, maybe? I'd love to refresh some old memories with you all. And if I am still watching you, that means I remembered you because I found you in my notifs or i just couldn't forget your icon. But if im not and you know me, hit me up, I'll watch you again.

Now, on the day of the Solar Eclipse, I love you all.

I hope we can talk soon.

So the site I would normally rant on is the current source of my stress.

So this one guy is being an asshole. 
He continues to say that mentally ill people of people with mental conditions are not normal people, and that they should all be locked up and kept away from "normal people". And that upsets me. This site is where I spend most of my days now, writing stories, making friends, there's one person I see as a brother and care about dearly. I typically love the community, but today it has caused me so much stress that for the first time since I joined that site, I'm fucking done. I'm taking a break from that site for a few days to calm down. 
I'll be honest, I have mental issues. I sometimes have auditory hallucinations, I have triggers, panic attacks and episodes.
So when this guy is saying that people like me should be locked up, and that I'm not a normal person even though he doesn't know I have mental issues, it hurts. It hurts a lot, actually. It has just made me so upset that even though I love the site, I can't look at it because it makes me sweat with stress. I've already had an episode this morning, so I'm not up for this shit, and I'm about to have another episode because of it. I mean, saying that mental issues are an immediate sentence to a mental ward where he said, and I quote, "they will never been seen again". That's fucking scary when someone you considered a friend suddenly turns on you and says you should be locked up for the rest of your life even though you can contribute to society and live a normal life. I've already had therapy. I'm the best I'm going to get, and the hallucinations don't even faze me. Shit like this does however, tick me off and throw me through a loop of pain, stress, and sadness.
I just can't today. So I'm taking a break from that site for a couple days. I just needed to rant somewhere that asshole isn't, even if it means dealing with the two assholes here. 

And that one guy is still insulting me in my notes. Fuck that guy. He can touch himself as he thinks about how he's hurting my feelings, but I don't give a shit anymore. I'm not replying to you anymore asshole, and it's not even your fault that I left so don't get turned on by that either.
Sorry guys, but I'm just done today. Fucking. Done.

I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm probably not coming back to this account. Or deviantart at all. I still draw, but only on paper, and it's more personal than anything. I have a lot going on right now, and I barely have time for drawing or writing. And I never use this account, so I figured I might as well not get your hopes up of me ever coming back. It was fun while it lasted, but I prefer drawing on paper than drawing digitally, and I don't really want to show off my art anymore. You can still look at my art. Probably not, it's pretty garbage, but, I can't bring myself to deactivate this account. So I'll just let it rot here. I prefer writing now, and with high school going on, and my grades dropping from okay to shit, I have to make more time for it. If I ever come back to this account, I won't be very active. So don't hold your breath.

Thanks for 230 watchers, even if most of you are ghost watchers anyway.

I just don't have the motivation anymore.

Goodbye, you were all amazing.

Except for one of you, you were an asshole.
You know who you are.~  Go fuck yourself you prick. You can stop spamming my notes with your useless insults now.


To everyone else, thank you for being awesome.

I'm drawing a picture of Angelica and Crystal (my lovely gay couple characters that I love DEARLY) getting engaged. They are going to be married, and adopt, and live in a world, where gay marriage is legal.

Also, I've been nervous to say it here, a couple of my friends already know, but now I say,"Fuck it, I'm not afraid anymore!"

I'm bisexual. I'm sexually attracted to both males and females. I'm not going to be such a damn closet case anymore, I may be Christian, but I'm human. I'm sick of hiding it, being scared of what people will think of me, but now, I'm not.

If there's any haters reading this, or you want to say something negative about it, go ahead. Speak your mind in the comments, talk me down if you will, try and make me feel bad about the fact that I'm a Christian who's bi. You know why I'm telling you to speak your mind if you're a hater?

Because I won't give a damn. There you go.

You could riddle me with shit talk, I won't care. I'll reply if you want me to, but, I won't be angry. And if I am, it's probably because I thought you wouldn't. So go ahead, shoot me, but, just so you know,

I'm not armed. 

1. I will not be listing the names of those who noted me. Obviously, if they noted me, they don't want anyone to know that they did.

2. I don't hate any of those who were rude in my notes.

3. I will explain some things in this journal.

NOTE 1 SUBJECT: Star (my first OC) is overpowered

The note reads;

I've been looking through your art recently, and honestly, I'm annoyed. Can't you see that this  looks like this<da:thumb id="292421213"/>? I mean seriously this is ridiculous, it's a complete and absolutely a recolored Luna! The flowing hair, alicorn, mare of the night, etc! The only thing you changed it that the eyes are red, and the cutiemark has stars on it. Not to mention that it's a member of the mane six supposedly, who had a part in defeating Tirek, Discord, Sombra, etc., that is Celestia's and Luna's youngest sister. Sorry, didn't realize I had run into the Mary-Sue part of town. Due dA a favor, and jump off a bridge.

My reaction;

1. If you're annoyed by my work, the door is one click away.

2.Star is meant to look like Luna. I've stated this before. She was created by the combination of Celestia's and Luna's magic when Celestia banished Luna to the moon. She is literally, supposed to be, a spitting image of Luna. Besides her cutiemark and eyes.

3. The fact is, she is a part of the Mane Six, but I rarely if ever draw her as such. She is usually drawn with my other OCs, and she being related to Tia and Luna, and being a part of the Mane Six, was originally the plan, and I even didn't even post art of her at all because she's a Mary-Sue. Then, I realized, I didn't care whether or not others liked her or not, she's mine.

4. I'm pretty sure that telling me to die is a little bit of an over-reaction to a character I happen to have.

NOTE 2 SUBJECT: What happened to that new species you planned on releasing?

The note reads;

Hey, I was looking through your journals (because I was bored) and remembered that you had planned to release a new MLP species, but never did. What happened?

My reaction;

1. Yes, I was planning on releasing a new species, but school happened, and I haven't been able to find where I put the sketches for it, or idea for it. I actually had a drawing that I was transferring to digital art by scanning it in and coloring it, but halfway through coloring it, my computer chair broke, and before we could fix it, my family had to move, and it's on my computer, which is locked in a storage unit until further notice.

2. But, since you have been so patient with me, and my inactivity, I'll tell you what the species is. It's a species of pony, with grape vines for a mane and tail. I was planning on a story/comic for it, where it would be story most of the time, and every 5 chapters it would have a comic page.

3. But now plans have changed. The species will still be released, and it will be an open species, but you can't make one without asking me first, and no one gets to make one until 'Just Like Me' is done and I start the story for the species.

NOTE 3 SUBJECT: Why do you want to be called Ally instead of McKenna?

The note reads;

Hi, I was wondering, why do you like to be called Ally, instead of McKenna? Just wondering.

My reaction;

1. I like my name, but people tend to forget it.

2. I like the name Ally.

3. Bullies in school would make fun of my name because it wasn't very common, and would use the 'Mc' part of it to call me names like 'McDumb' or 'McDonalds Queen', and it would happen online too, and often once people found me online via YouTube or something. So, whenever someone calls me McKenna online, if it's not a friend I know irl, it reminds me of the bullying. Thus I prefer to be called Ally.

NOTE 4 SUBJECT: Are you lying about your age?

The note reads;

Hi, I happened to notice that you have friends that you claim to know irl, and go to school with irl, and even share the same class with them, but they range from 13-15 years old. So, out of curiousity, are you lying about being 18?

My reaction;

1.Yes, I do share classes with those people, and no, I'm not 18. My age is 13-15 just like them, and I was lying about my age. But, that was at first, simply to protect myself because my parents always told me to act older than I really was online so that I didn't get targeted because of my age. But now, I can't lie anymore, because I can't take lying to you guys. So now, I am really trying to find a way to change my age, and birthday (birthday is wrong because of a misclick) I'm SO sorry for lying and I fear that my account might be taken away because of it. So, PLEASE forgive me. And PLEASE help me find a way to change my age, and birthday.

That's all the notes I got, please tell me where I can ask someone to help me change my age and birthday on my account, and please forgive me for lying to you guys for over a year now.